As I sit here, and try to remember the reasons I left, that voice in my head
keeps saying, “You know why you left.”
I know why. and I keep pretending I don’t.
I was existing off of memories. I was justifying things to myself that I didn’t mean. I could only remember the good things, and convinced myself it was meant to be.
On paper, you were the one. In my heart, I knew you weren’t. I don’t know for how long, but we both knew. We both hoped it could be, but knew we both weren’t strong enough for that. Forever is a hard thing to think about.
But you know what’s easy?
Being comfortable and afraid of change.
I let you into my comfort zone, and you betrayed it. But you left
such a lasting impression, that I didn’t want to let go.
I have let go. I have let go of you. But it doesn’t matter to you. and I cannot change that.
I realized our love was that of a mapped out plan, put together with sense and good intentions.
I have never done this before. I have never given my
whole soul and body to someone. Nor, have I trusted anyone with
my heart. and I did with you. I don’t know how to be your friend. But
it’s so much better than the silence. The silence is so deafening.
I need a sign that tells me that I did not, in fact, forfeit my future, and waste
For that; that is the worst part of the whole thing. Not the new me;
But that you may never touch that part of your heart, my part, ever again, and leave it with the person who touched it.
For I cannot live with the notion that I was just a learning experience. I deserve more than that
And at one point, you believed I deserved the same.