Just Two Lost Souls Swimming in a Fish Bowl.

As I sit here, and try to remember the reasons I left, that voice in my head

keeps saying, “You know why you left.”

I know why. and I keep pretending I don’t.

I was existing off of memories. I was justifying things to myself that I didn’t mean. I could only remember the good things, and convinced myself it was meant to be.

On paper, you were the one. In my heart, I knew you weren’t. I don’t know for how long, but we both knew. We both hoped it could be, but knew we both weren’t strong enough for that. Forever is a hard thing to think about.

But you know what’s easy?

Being comfortable and afraid of change.

I let you into my comfort zone, and you betrayed it. But you left

such a lasting impression, that I didn’t want to let go.

I have let go. I have let go of you. But it doesn’t matter to you. and I cannot change that.

I realized our love was that of a mapped out plan, put together with sense and good intentions.

I have never done this before. I have never given my

whole soul and body to someone. Nor, have I trusted anyone with

my heart. and I did with you. I don’t know how to be your friend. But

it’s so much better than the silence. The silence is so deafening.

I need a sign that tells me that I did not, in fact, forfeit my future, and waste

my heart.

For that; that is the worst part of the whole thing. Not the new me;

But that you may never touch that part of your heart, my part, ever again, and leave it with the person who touched it.

For I cannot live with the notion that I was just a learning experience. I deserve more than that

And at one point, you believed I deserved the same.


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