As I continue to ask myself, “What did I do to deserve this?!”,
I think I’ve figured out.
I found out that even when I am 100% honest and true, it truly doesn’t matter.
I’ll take the high road. I’ll pretend it doesn’t hurt that bad.
Then I realized that pretending It doesn’t hurt- has taken the hurt to a different place. It doesn’t hurt as bad anymore. I have waited my entire life for this moment.
But why do I feel so empty?
I’ve lost myself. I’ve lost that giant heart of mine. It has grown and turned into this monster that I hate. I hate her. I hate what she has to say to me. I hate what she does. I hate this person with every fiber of my being.
But at least the monster feeds off of pain. And I’d say that’s a hell of a lot better than feeding off of my own sadness;