Meaning is never constant. Meaning is always changing. The things I put meaning into, the people that meant so much- all of it- all of it has changed.
Those things, those people, they have changed. But mostly- I’ve changed.
You can always put meaning into things. You can put hope into small pieces of everything. You can put a little, a lot, and so many different things and feelings in- but it starts with YOU.
The power I give everything and everyone, has so much hold over me. The subconscious power I place is almost involuntary, it seems.
Before I know it, my entire being is overtaken and I’ve lost control. The part I do not understand, is while I feel it happening, I cannot and do not stop it.
I’m not sure if it’s to be reminded I can still feel- or if it’s an addiction. Like a drug, this takes over me. It blurs my thoughts and becomes the only thing I want, and believe that I need. It feels like my heart is in charge of my brain, as I cannot turn off these wanting feelings. And like an addiction, this is toxic to my growth.
Toxins. The alcohol I cannot seem to stop drinking. The company I cannot seem to stop seeking. The feelings that I cannot mute. I rid myself of these drugs, and they find their way back only to take different form.